The rainy, dark weather has been conducive to staying in, which we've pretty much done.  We've been trying to get back to Savannah to exchange something purchased last time, but it hasn't seemed worth it.  I did put in two days of work but, other than having to drive onto the island, that was no problem.

All of that isn't to say that there hasn't been enough to do.  We both had our eyes checked and ordered glasses.....and on the day we did that, my mother's hearing aid broke.  She has the over-the-ear type and the little tube that connects the two parts broke.  So, that required a search to find someone who could/would do it.  Luckily, one of two places I stopped could do it on the spot, so I waited.  They were going to charge me $35 just because it wasn't purchased through them.  I explained that it belonged to my mother, who lives in NC, and she would not have purchased it locally.....and could they waive the fee.  So, they charged me $35 total.  That kind of charge really erks me and I was motivated to take it someplace else if the fee was not waived.......knowing that all the others would probably do the same.  Anyway, it all worked out well......and it never hurts to ask.

Yesterday I spent the WHOLE day, until about 9PM, clearing the filing cabinet.  As with much else in this house, it was full of stuff that is never used or looked at, yet I'm forced to do my monthly filing in other boxes, etc. scattered around my desk.  Five large bags of paper items were reviewed and removed, some going back to the 90s.  What a mess!!   By bedtime, I had lots of filing space, labeled and organized files, and a pretty clear desktop.  All that isleft is to find space for empty files and previous tax information, all of which will probably find a home in the garage or guest bedroom (which also needs a thoough clear-out). The hard part is done and it's so good to have it behind me.

My mother mentioned that she needed to go home, that she couldn't just leave it indefinitely or someone would break in.  I said it was probably time we thought about selling it because it was more than we could deal with, that she wasn't able to be there on her own, etc.  I was surprised that she didn't bristle or argue.  She just said that to walk away from everything she had worked for was hard......and I know it is.  If nothing else, that was a more positive start than expected.  The best approach may be to enter the discussion in small steps, like that conversation, until it becomes easier for her.  Over the last 6-9 months, I've viewed much of what has happened with my mother as a lesson in what to prepare myself to deal with in the future.  Unlike her, I won't even have anyone as inept as myself to rely on, so I'd better be a tough cookie......and if my mind goes, then I'll be at the mercy of everyone!  Anyway, I think dealing with leaving a home behind will be lessened for me because I've done it before and I don't have a lifetime tied up in one place.  My nest is feathered with mementos of places and people that are mobile, so wherever I go, I can be surrounded that things that comfort me and bring back wonderful memories. Every lifestyle has it's pros and cons (and no one has it all, no matter what the outward appearance), but it's nice to know that I might be spared some heartache and difficulty as time goes on. I now just have to figure out how to make it as painless as possible for my mother.  Any ideas??

January has passed in a blur, which means that I actually haven't been working since the middle of December and really can't tell much of a difference thus far!  This has been another full week with 3 doctor's appointments for my mother......Monday, Wednesday and Friday......leaving Tuesday and Thursday for my part time job, which pretty well filled the week.  The doctor's appointments went well and I hope we can maintain the status quo for a while. My mother is moving slower than usual so all ventures like that take longer, which is still an adjustment. 

Mama completed her out-patient therapy this week, but not without pause.......she fell again on Monday morning.  I'm not even sure how it happened.  I was going from the kitchen to the family room when I heard the clatter behind me.  She was near a wall and that braced her a bit but she hit her head on the door frame and grabbed her left side.  I ran back immediately to see if she was okay - she assured me she was fine and proceeded to try to get up, which she could do with my help.  She was able to walk and assured me again that she was not hurt.  I insist that she use the walker when we go out but she doesn't want to use it around the house.  The fractured pelvis and all that ensued has moved her to the "dottering" stage.  She takes little shuffling steps, with her arms slightly out for balance......and I just hold my breath!!  She didn't like being reminded by me that she needed to use the walker around the house......I also called the therapist and "tattled" about the fall.  I had to leave a message and told her that my mother might seem like a "sweet, little ol' Southern lady".......but they didn't really know with whom they were dealing!!  They were asked to remind her that she needed to use the walker at home, not just to avoid a fall but to avoid all that can happen while recovering from a fall.  They must not have told her that I called (or she would have yelled at me) but she did say one of them walked her to the car and reminded her that she needed to use the walker until she was much stronger and more steady.  She is using it more, but still not all the time.  Anyway, she put on a brave face for two days and then started to complain that her left side hurt, as well as her knee and neck.  We mentioned it to her internist and he said that she was getting around okay and that if the pelvis was fractured again, there was nothing to be done.......the secret was not to fall, to use the walker or a cane. Here's hoping!!

Tuesday was a nice day for me in that the synagogue gave me a "good luck" party.  They had originally planned it for December (when I would still have been there) but I had to cancel, so it was nice of them to reschedule it.  A lot of the congregants showed up and I enjoyed seeing everyone in a social setting.  I arrived a bit early and had some time in the office.  Although I haven't felt fully retired yet, it made me appreciate not having to keep all the balls in the air, while three people are standing in front of my desk wanting something immediately......as was happening that morning!!  So, thank goodness for small blessings!! Anyway, several people gave me gifts and/or cards of good wishes and the congregation gave be a beautiful grey pearl and blue crystal necklace and earring set.  None of that was expected, but it was very sweet....and I really enjoyed seeing those who showed up, especially since everything just kind of fell apart at the end.  It also gave me a chance to thank them for their thoughtfulness and concern through all that has happened over the last two months, as well as their friendship and camaraderie over the years.  It was closure. 

Saturday was the type of day I hope my mother and I can cultivate.  It was miserable weatherwise....dark, rainy and dreary, a perfect day to spend inside.  My mother had some clothes she wanted to alter so I set the sewing machine up on the kitchen table.  While she sewed, I cooked my vegetarian things.....a nice, hearty cabbage soup (to be served with crusty bread and red wine), eggplant pomodoro with WW pasta and a broccoli salad. It took both of us most of the day, but we were busy, yet able to chat back and forth while doing our own thing.  For me, it was relaxed and comfortable, with no grief.....she even shared the cabbage soup for dinner (no red wine)!  I hope we can have more days like that. I know how fortunate I am to have this time with her and I want it to be time that we both appreciate.......but we are so different, except in our head-strong-ness!  I guess all of life is a work in progress and once in a while things "progress" in a comforting way.  

Birthday

Click on photo for slide show

Monday:  This was the first Monday in years, and especially of late, that I didn't have to get up and hit the ground running......and it felt wonderful, like I might actually be among the ranks of The Retired!!  To make things even nicer, the sun was shining brightly and it was in the mid-60s!!  I am feeling much more rested and my mother is doing well, getting stronger every day.  So far things are going well.  We have had a few "skirmishes" when I've just had to say "this is the way it is with me" (3 cups of coffee in the morning before I eat, donating clothes {"perfectly good clothes"} to charity {rather than hoarding them}, etc.) - we may as well address some of these things right off the bat.  I've started doing some of my work in my bedroom while she watches her soaps.......to get her accustomed to my being in my room, either for work or when I just need a break.  I'm also getting her TV hooked up in her room so she can watch what she wants when she wants.  I'm hoping to give each of us as much independence as possible.

Tuesday was a relaxing, enjoyable day.  I "worked" from 10 - 1PM while my mother was at physical therapy. We then had a quick lunch and ran some errands.  It was her first outing so we took it easy at a time of day that wasn't too busy.  We both enjoyed getting out for something that was pleasant.  As soon as we got back home, I went for a walk to take advantage of the beautiful weather.....after the recent cold streak, it seemed the perfect way to appreciate a sunny day around 70!!  After a short rest, I went to my Living Liberally group, to which I had not been for months.  It was a small but welcoming group, most of whom I knew.  All-in-all, it was a very enjoyable day.

Wednesday (My Birthday):  We were fortunate to be able to continue what has become a birthday tradition - going into Savannah for lunch and shopping.  A month ago, I would not have bet on it!!  My mother is doing very well so we took advantage of another beautiful day and headed out.  I really only expected to do one of the smaller shops but, after lunch, my mother was up for more so we tackled Macy's.  It was a treat for me to be able to do this on a week day and it was easier for her to get around without the crowds.  It worked out well and we both enjoyed it. I began the day with a serenade from Allan and ended with one from my former boss, with lots of other good wishes in between.  Thank you all for your good wishes.

Thursday was dark and rainy - and I was supposed to go to my PT job.  Well, sometimes things work out right.....my employer's plans changed and I received an email giving me things to do at home.  So, mama was picked up and taken to therapy and I got to stay home.  It gave me time to do a few things and have some "alone" time.  Once she was back and watching her soaps,  I did my work. 

Friday I unexpectedly went to work......it was another last minute change of plans, but I'll only be able to work (at her house) one day next week, so it was fine.  As soon as I got home, I learned that someone was coming to show the house within the hour........so, out we went to run errands and grocery shop, getting home around 4PM......another full day.  It was a very good week and you can see that I haven't yet been sitting around wondering what to do.  In fact, I'm hoping the pace will slow a bit.  Even so, it has been wonderful to get up when I wanted to and sit with a cup of coffee before facing the day. Next week there is something scheduled every day......so I don't expect to be bored anytime soon.

Something for the ladies.....

"You can take no credit for beauty at sixteen.  But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be your soul's own doing."

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Thanks to everyone for your warm birthday wishes!!

The following email (with a few revisions on my part) came to me on Tuesday from an acquaintance who didn't know my birthday was approaching.  I thought it very timely.....and worth remembering.

Growing Old, I decided, is a gift. 
I am now closer to becoming the person I have always wanted to be.
 
Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body - the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror (who looks like my mother/father!), but I don't agonize over those things for long.
 
I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less grey hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become kinder to myself, and less critical of myself…..I've become my own friend. 
 
I don't chide myself  for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avant garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant. 
 
I have seen too many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging. 
 
Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 am and sleep until noon? 

 I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60 & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ….. I will. 
 
I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a pudgy body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set. They, too, will get old. 

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I do eventually remember the important things. 
 
Sure, over the years my heart has been broken... How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect. 
 
I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning grey, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver. 
 
As I get older, it is easier to be positive. I care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong. 
 
So, I am at peace with growing older. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.. And I shall eat dessert every single day (If I feel like it). 

 I was in Haiti years ago.  It was "poor" then and it looks like the human condition hasn't changed much over the years.  The recent earthquake has turned the normally difficult situation to total devastaton.  The following email came my way this morning and I found it very touching......

"The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper."        Aristotle